Young lady, you are late again!

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Great, it’s only 8.

I look away a minute,

Crap! I’m late again!

I have a very severe tardiness problem. I have had it all my life. Seriously, I am never on time for anything. Even if I try, something invariably goes wrong. For instance, I left 20 minutes early for a 7 minute drive to a meeting. Got a flat tire. But I was only 20 minutes late thanks to a nice passerby who stopped and changed the tire.

I know my tardiness gets on the nerves of others. They think a lot of terrible things about me and my relationship to them. They think that I don’t value them or their time or the activity we have planned. They worry that I have found something better or more interesting to do while they wait and fume. But I want everyone I know who has ever waited for me: it’s not you; it’s me. These are the top five reasons that I am always late:

  1. Did you know that if you are not looking at the clock time keeps going forward? Apparently, I do not as I am constantly surprised by the fact that is now much later than the last time I looked. MUCH LATER!
  2. To date, no one has invented a teleporter. So I can’t ever get where I’m going instantly.
  3. No matter how far it is, I think it’s going to take 10 minutes. RVA to DC? 10 minutes, right?
  4. Even if I have actually allowed myself plenty of time to get where I’m going, something is going to go terribly wrong. Last week, I got dressed  and even had time to eat breakfast. And then I knocked the OJ off the counter–nearly full, still open, large bottle of OJ. The rest you can imagine.
  5. Sometimes I forget. Nuff said.

So really it’s not you; it’s me. I want to get together. I want to do that thing we’ve planned. I want to start the work day on time (well, that part might be stretching it). But I just can’t seem to get there.

On the other hand, if you’re late, you can count on the fact there will be no judgment from me. Hell, since I’ll be even later, I probably won’t even know about it.

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